Homily for Christmas Eve 2011
I love the way Dylan Thomas opens A Child’s Christmas in Wales by describing the mysterious process of delving into his memory (snow)bank: “All the Christmases roll down toward the two-tongued sea, like a cold and headlong moon bundling down the sky that was our street; and they stop at the rim of the ice-edged fish-freezing waves, and I plunge my hands in the snow and bring out whatever I can find. In goes my hand into that wool-white bell-tongued ball of holidays resting at the rim of the carol-singing sea, and out come Mrs. Prothero and the firemen.”
Our own experiences have much to teach us and if you delve into your memory you never know what is going to come up. This year as I prepared for this evening, I plunged into my memory bank and out came the story of my wilderness canoe trip.
Many years ago a friend and I had a light bulb moment: why don’t we take my canoe, and go alone into the wilderness of Northern Saskatchewan in September, when it’s already starting to get pretty cold, and at a time when there’s likely to be absolutely no one around to help if we run into trouble. There was no such thing as cell phones, there was no system of reporting in to authorities to let anyone know where we were supposed to be, there were no roads beyond our starting point, and we would be abandoning my car for a week at a remote location. We were both 19, so neither one of us saw anything wrong with this plan, and off we went.
We envisioned six or seven days of fishing and paddling in the beautiful wilderness of Northern Saskatchewan – we had mapped out a route that would take us on a loop through a number of remote lakes where the fishing was supposed to be great. In faith, we would leave my car at a place beside the road and just assume it would still be there when we returned.
It was beautiful when we started out, but within four hours of our launch it began pouring – raining heavily to start with and then coming down so hard you could barely see anything. It was within those first hours that we saw any sign of another human being on our trip, and they were headed in the opposite direction! It should have been a clue, but we pressed on into the wild country.
My friend was not an experienced canoeist, so later that that first day, when we had to negotiate a bit of a tricky rapids leading up to a waterfall, he panicked and dumped our canoe and all its contents into the river. It was a “perfect storm”: pouring rain, dropping temperatures, all our stuff (and us) soaked, and no one else around for miles – many miles.
That evening, we found a place to camp, along a river bank between two lakes, and we couldn’t get a fire going because the downpour was so heavy it had soaked every bit of wood. It was still raining and getting dark and while I was preparing my tent I heard my friend call out, in a very strained and anxious and unusual voice: “Grant! Grant!” He was standing looking up the bank, with a canoe paddle in his hand like he was ready to ward something off – like he was fencing with the darkness.
I went over to where he was – it wasn’t totally dark at this point – and I could see that there was something up the bank, about 20 feet away, right behind our canoe, which we had pulled well up on the bank to make sure we didn’t get stranded. There were a couple of sets of eyes looking back at us from the darkness.
Squirrels? Racoons? Beavers? (we hoped) – dismissing each animal as it became obvious by the size and height of the eyes that it wasn’t squirrels or raccoons or beavers standing there by our canoe, which was our only means of escape. We yelled. We banged on pots. The animals just stared at us. Their silence was disconcerting, to say the least.
I remember reading about soldiers who would bolt at the first sound of gunfire – an instinctive reaction to survive is just to get away. But we had nowhere to run, or swim — the river was quite high with a heavy current, there was no way of getting to our canoe, and there was no way of walking out of that wilderness. We were suddenly very aware of how isolated we were, and the heavy darkness made it more than a bit scary. Our youthful sense of invincibility was being tested if not shattered.
We had a can of sterno (fuel) so we lit that, then crawled into our sopping wet sleeping bags and basically waited for morning. It was one of the longest and most anxious nights of my life. We yearned for the dawn – we yearned for it to be light again. When it was finally morning, we crawled out of our tents, made a mighty effort to pull on our jeans (which were frozen stiff), and went up to where the canoe was to see what might have been there. There in the mud we saw the huge tracks of wolves.
There was relief, there was gratitude, and a new confidence. With the dawn, there was a realization that we had somehow faced our worst nightmare – and everything was still OK. The wolves seemed to follow us for much of the following day (we could hear them howling), but they never threatened us directly, as we completed the rest of the canoe trip in record time.
Someone once said “Character is who you are in the dark.” That intimidating night in the wilderness was like a dark night of the soul for me, and I think it started an inner transformation. It was on that trip that I began to get a sense of God – something — someone –watching over me – being with me — even though I had not been in church for a number of years at that point. Somehow, by some mysterious grace, I had a sense that things would be OK.
John Ruskin said that “All great and beautiful work has come of first gazing without shrinking into the darkness.” We all have moments when we are obliged to face into the darkness and not shrink away from it. Some people face such moments constantly. Seen in the right light, they could be opportunities, challenges, tests of our character, determination, courage and faith.
It wasn’t until years later – when I had returned to church – that I found the vocabulary and concepts that enabled me to more fully explore what the experience had meant. And I realized that the experience of facing my fears – of having to experience that darkness and all the unknowns that came with it – had been good for me – part of my spiritual development. In the Bible, numerous times, the writers describe God being found in the midst of darkness – that in the deep mystery of the unknown, we discover many of the elements of life that make the light appealing – we discover that life is an inter-play between darkness and light – between things that seem good and things that seem evil.
My experience taught me that God works in hidden and mysterious ways, works without our necessarily being aware – in the dark, as it were. This is expressed in the scriptures by the emphasis on the dreams that motivated Joseph and many others.
The spiritual journey involves discovering that there is more within ourselves than we thought. When all the outward rules and securities are absent, when all the safeguards and protections are stripped away, we still have an inner authority and power and identity. That is finding God within, and that is what we learn to draw upon as we enter more deeply into the spiritual life. And even more important – we are not alone. In ways which surpass our capacity to comprehend, God is with us.
In Vancouver at this time of year we become very conscious of the lack of light, and our bodies and minds begin to suffer from the almost constant darkness. So it’s interesting that at the darkest time of the year, we make a choice to face into the darkness, and reach out in faith toward the Light, represented by the Christ Child. It is interesting indeed that we find the most effective celebration of Christmas to be in the evening – in the darkness – as we recall the birth of the Christ Child in the darkness and obscurity and mystery of Bethlehem.
“The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light” Darkness can teach you a lot about yourself. If nothing else, it can teach you about your desperate preference for light. We need light. The famous psycho-analyst Carl Jung said: “As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.”
The miracle of Christmas is that the presence of this one child, born in mystery, in obscurity, in darkness – the Child who became known as the Light of the World — this one child encouraged people in that time (and ever since) to encounter and challenge and overcome the various forms of darkness which confronted them and threatened to overpower and oppress them. The presence of the Christ Child helped them find within themselves the strength, the faith, to assert their own right to be.
I was put into a situation where I yearned for the light, and realized my desperate need for it, and while it broke down my limited sense of self-sufficiency it also opened me up to a deeper sense of strength – a realization that the light is not just outside us but within.
An ancient Chinese Proverb says “It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” Tonight, in the midst of darkness, we light a candle, symbolic of the Light of Christ, symbolic of the corresponding light within us, as we celebrate and give thanks for the way God through Christ helps us to encounter our darkness and to find the light.
The Rev. Grant Rodgers
PRAYER (from Psalm 139)
O Lord, you have searched me and known me.
Where can I go from your spirit?
Or where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there;
if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me fast.
11 If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light around me become night’,
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is as bright as the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
Thanks be to God!
Readings for Christmas Eve:
Isaiah 9:2-7 The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who lived in a land of deep darkness on them light has shined. You have multiplied the nation, you have increased its joy; they rejoice before you as with joy at the harvest, as people exult when dividing plunder.For the yoke of their burden, and the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor, you have broken as on the day of Midian. For all the boots of the tramping warriors and all the garments rolled in blood shall be burned as fuel for the fire.
For a child has been born for us, a son given to us; authority rests upon his shoulders; and he is named Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
His authority shall grow continually, and there shall be endless peace for the throne of David and his kingdom. He will establish and uphold it with justice and with righteousness from this time onward and forevermore. The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this.
Luke 2:1-14, (15-20) In those days a decree went out from Emperor Augustus that all the world should be registered. This was the first registration and was taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. All went to their own towns to be registered. Joseph also went from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to the city of David called Bethlehem, because he was descended from the house and family of David. He went to be registered with Mary, to whom he was engaged and who was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for her to deliver her child. And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in bands of cloth, and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn. In that region there were shepherds living in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. Then an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for see–I am bringing you good news of great joy for all the people: to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a child wrapped in bands of cloth and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace among those whom he favors!” When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let us go now to Bethlehem and see this thing that has taken place, which the Lord has made known to us.” So they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the child lying in the manger. When they saw this, they made known what had been told them about this child; and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds told them.
